I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
