Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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