You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
