wat bout pragnant strippers??
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
