It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
