I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
