Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
