giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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