It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize