ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
