Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
