Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wear drunk well.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
