Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
