Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
