On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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