Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
