You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it because I queefed?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
