'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
