Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
