wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
