if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Come on in and take your pants off
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