the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
