Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Less talking, more tequila
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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