You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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