Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
