His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
