if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize