dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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