her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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