Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
