Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
