I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
