Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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