we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
