Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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