ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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