dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So here I am, sexting at work.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
