every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you win again, gameday.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
