It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
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Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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