i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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