No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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