Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
