I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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