I think I won the penis lottery.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
