I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
