party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So here I am, sexting at work.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
