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• (256): View more from Alabama

  She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.

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• (310): View more from California

  my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.

  (760): View more from California

  Wow.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's like her boobs came off with her bra

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  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  K. On the way. I need a drink.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Like a drink drink or like water?

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Have we met?

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  ... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (228): View more from Mississippi

  I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.

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