Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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