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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.

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  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  My ATM looks so different sober.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump

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• (707): View more from California

  he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities

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• (315): View more from New York

  turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes

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• (407): View more from Florida

  If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.

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