If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.