Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.