we have officially lost it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.