All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The adults are the big ones right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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