so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
