There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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