shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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