Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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