words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I want is dick and wine.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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