He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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