i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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