is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's never too late to be topless.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
