I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
