I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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