Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
