you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Someone signed my nipple.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
