It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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