I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
