my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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