I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Who died my cat blue again?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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