OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
