very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
